My heart has sank. Just a little measure of special things can become addictive. I miss it.

Plans

We are in our 7th Ramadan. Still have three fourths of it left. Too many goods to be performed and the recitation of the Qur'an. Even though it might be a sad ordeal that Ramadan will end, it always ends with so much of delight.

 Eid ul Fitr is the occassion that marks the end of Ramadan. There is such a blast on that day. Celebrations last for 3 days or even more. We get to wear new clothes, eat whole lot of food and hang out with friends.

 This time though it might be different. Since we are in Dubai and there is lack of a socializing here it might be a tad bit dull. No car which means we must rely heavily on the public transport either taxi, buses or the metro. Either dad must get his driving license or I will!

 So my plan for this Eid is to go to Khobar or drag my best friend here to Dubai. But I really do wish to visit the place again. I think I might end up crying when I go there. No place has been dear to me like Khobar. Not India or Dubai. 

Foolish Stance

I embarrassed myself today. So much so so so much. I do not how to describe what I feel. My email to a particular person was taken in the wrong manner. Or maybe it wasn't and I look like I took the reply in the wrong way. Either ways I still feel embarrassed and stupid! I should not have even replied and worse my answer was forwarded to that person. I must have looked like a loser who didn't even know the basic issues in Islam. I should be given a good kicking or yelling from someone. I did agree with what all the person said. Such perfect words and thorough research. Very impressive. May Allah make that person more strong in their Emaan and Taqwa. Inshallah!  

 I am soo sooorry... I didn't mean to compare at all! I would never never do that. Its not in my nature to compare. Please accept my apology. You can do as you wish and as you like. My initial decision was not to put forth any demands and let the person do whatever they could. People confused me. (I should stop being so influenced!).Whatever it is you are capable I will give my consent to it. I may have the right to ask for it but I do not have the right to ask more than what the person can do. That would be down right Zulm (injustice) on my part and a relationship must not start on demands.

 Now how do I express all this? I can't email because I am restricted. But I so wish that I could have a heart to heart conversation and clear everything up. I so do not know how I portrayed myself. I wish the person could read this but then again I do not know if the person might.

 Oh Allah, Please make my heart be strong and not write anything more foolish and dunce like! I can find no helper except You.

"No amount of guilt can change the past & no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee."

Umar Ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him)

Am I Thankful? Checklist

Date________________________
1. Did you pray all 5 prayers today?
(Yes_________ No_________)
2. Did you pray all 5 prayers in congregation? (If applicable)
(Yes_________ No_________)
3. Did you fast today?
(Yes_________ No_________)
4. Did you pray any of the recommended extra prayers?
A. Tahajjud (Yes_________ No_________)
B. Witr (Yes_________ No_________)
C. 2 Raka’ Before Fajr (Yes_________ No_________)
D. 4 Raka’ Before Thuhr (Yes_________ No_________)
E. 2 Raka’ After Thuhr (Yes_________ No_________)
F. 2 Raka’ After Maghrib (Yes_________ No_________)
G. 2 Raka’ After Ishaa (Yes_________ No_________)
H. Salaa Ad‐dhuha (Yes_________ No_________)
I. Other (Yes_________ No_________)
5. Did you contact your Mother/Father or other family member to keep the ties
strong?
(Yes_________ No_________)
6. Did you help anyone with any task today for the sake of Allaah?
(Yes_________ No_________)
7. Did you teach anyone anything about the Qur’an or Sunnah today?
(Yes_________ No_________)
8. Did you read anything of the Qur’an today?
(Yes_________ No_________)
10. Did you give any sadaqah today?
(Yes_________ No_________)
11. Did you do any Islamic studying today?
(Yes_________ No_________)
12. Did you visit a sick person today?
(Yes_________ No_________)
13. Did you go to a Janaazah today?
(Yes_________ No_________)
14. Did you make Istighfaar at least 70‐100 times today?
(Yes ________ No_________)

Places I have visited

• DUBAI (current location): Visited Sharjah, Al Ain. Staying in Dubai for the past 2 weeks. Visited Dubai when I was in 4th grade and 2nd year in College.

• SAUDI: Jeddah: First ever place I resided in. I was four when I left Jeddah. Did my kindergarten there. Shifted to Khobar and stayed there for 16 years (!!!). Visited Riyadh, Abha, Taif, Hofuf, Rastanura. Have visited Makkah and Madinah may a times. The best place for any human to be in.  
• BAHRAIN: First visit in 8th grade. Had gone in later years for shopping and transit airport. Last visit in November 2010 after Eid. I suppose that was the last time I saw that place. Its different than Saudi and its a cool place to hang out. They have amazing malls there. But when you compare them to dubai, not so amazing. 
• INDIA: Born there. Lived the first year of my life. Then went to Jeddah. Visit India every year for vacations. My favourite place is Pondicherry because it looks a tad bit foreign. I hate bus travel. Its a nightmare! 
• MALAYSIA: Been here when I was 4 years old. I think Malaysia and Singapore was a package trip. It was me and my parents. Don't remember being here at all.
• SINGAPORE: Visited when I was 4 years old. Remember it quite well. Sentosa park, the trains (if thats what they call it), the Lion, cable cars and a lot of photos of me to prove that I visited this place. I was a cute kid.

Marriage?!

I am losing track of days and dates. Today is Wednesday apparently. Wow. 4 days since I came back from India. Three Ramadan's have got over. Alhamdulillah. They all went smooth. I have to enjoy all this while I can. It feels like that. I am worried that all the habits that I have made for myself and feel so comfortable in will be replaced by something vastly different. 

 And I am talking about Marriage. Sometimes I truly wonder if it is essential. Islam says that it is. Marriage is like completing one's faith. Why does it have to be a scary ordeal. Usually when we do not like something we can back off. Marriage isn't like that. Its about commitment. Heard this term too many times for my liking.   

 We have to live with someone we do not even know! AT ALL! We must adjust and change our behavior according to what they like. Men usually think that they can dominate women and they are like their personal slaves. I am not a feminist. But to make the marriage work both the husband and the wife must be equal. They must trust each other, believe in each other, respect each other. The husband must discuss with his wife in any matters he thinks is vital for the family. He must not assume superiority.  

How do we know we met the perfect match? For that we must at least interact once or twice with our fiance or fiancee's. Islam allows that but our societies and cultures thinks that its a modern approach and hence the bride to be and the groom to be must not interact. How lame! Islam is favored when they find that the rules in the Shariah are to their liking. Wherever the grass is green yup they love that side even if it is illegal territory.

I feel apprehensive when I think of all this. How will my future husband be like? Everyone and anyone can be good. I have heard soo many people vouching that he is a good person. Inshallah I hope he remains so. Unfortunately I have to rely heavily on hearsay. 

 When I accept the fact that I must accept him... FINE. DONE. But its not only him that will enter my life. It's his family. His parents sound soo great. MASHALLAH for that. What about his other family members? How will I ever interact with them? My friends tell me that I am weird when people meet me for the first time. Since I am usually quiet in the first few meetings they assume that I have an attitude problem and that I think too highly of myself.

I am shy and I do feel shy (my friends will really debate this and will probably ask me to erase this statement). Ya guys I do feel shy. I show it out in the wrong way. I become a little edgy and rude (unconsciously). Then again like my friend said it will be days before I look up to see my husbands face. Inshallah. At least let him believe that I do possess shreds of shyness.


I did hear more about him indirectly also. He has so characters I really wanted him to have. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. I can't mention them here but I felt so beyond happy and elated when I heard all that. May Allah make him firm in his deen and may Allah protect him from all the fitnah. May his family be the best for us and be compatible with us. May we both inshallah complete our faith with each other. And may we be the best of examples for others. Ameen!

Finally I have to come to one decision and one solution. Pray that Allah makes all this easy for me. It will be freaking easy for a guy to accept changes because he doesn't have to live in the bride's home. Opposite to that a bride has to face MAJOR changes. She must accept her husband and his new family and live in his family when he is NOT there! I can't breathe when I think of all this. 

One thing left to say: Nasrun minallah! Help is from Allah alone. Ameen. 

Discoveries

I was standing in my small and narrow balcony right now. We finished our iftar and it is now past 7 and half. As I was saying my sister dragged me to show me the moon. So we decided to stand in that tiny balcony. We do that only at night or otherwise we would visible like two shinning gold coins in the daylight. I found out two things:

• I was cussing that Burj Khalifah isn't the world's tallest tower (now Prince Waleed decided to build a taller one in Jeddah. Good luck for that) because we could not see it AT all where we live. Today I discovered we can! But you need to stand in the balcony and extend your head and there stands the majestic tower. So sorry Burj you are the tallest (for now).
• I decided to clap for my discovery and I hear a distant dull sound. It was my clap echoing. Cool! Apparently the winds carry my clap sounds i.e. sound waves all the way to the opposite building and falls on the windows and rebounds back and there you hear it. I was wondering whether the inhabitants could hear it in their homes because it sounded like an awful lot of banging against their windows.

I now plan to carry on this legacy and do it every night. I made my mum do it too. She seemed so happy. Its a wonder that small things can impact our thoughts and out smiles on our face. They will never know what hit them.

Videos!

My parents and sisters are watching my engagement video. I stayed till the beginning of the video and later I had to escape. I never felt so embarrassed to see myself and bent down and shy. Makes me feel so uncomfortable. Was it me sitting there all that time while my back and spine hurt so bad that I wanted to scream and run away? How I am ever ever going to manage it in the wedding. God knows how many screaming thoughts I will have to endure before relief comes. 


 Oh God! Make it easy for me. Seriously men should be put to this brutal test. 

Double Rainbow

It drizzled very lightly. As opposed to the view that rainbows make their appearance only after a heavy rainfall, we managed to see one. I will not use the word "glimpse" because we saw it for a long time. Even more amazing was that we saw another rainbow that very same time. Two parallel rainbows. Took snaps of them.

And this boy by the way is Kooby's brother: Nawfal

Kooby!

Back from India! Yay! What a relief! Now I can focus on things that are more important than trivial stuff like why y relatives were acting weird this year and why they pick fights with us.
Then again relatives are relatives and they come as a package with your parents. So this year I found out more about them and how to behave with them.

 This vacation was an eye opener. Forget that. I do miss my cousin and my little Kooby. Man he is amazing little cousin of mine. I call him babi and he calls me the same! He says it better. Here is a picture of him. He looks adorable. I have never loved any kid as much as I love him. 

Ramadan arrives

Alhamdulillah completed my first Ramadan in Dubai. OK maybe second time Ramadan in Dubai because d last time was two years ago. But then again this is the first time in Dubai as a resident. Ya lets put it that way. I didnt feel hungry which is a good thing.

 Tried to do whatever I could as in the form of actions or amals. What is now left is for Allah to accept it.